Faith, Love and Respect for ALL

Posts tagged ‘Hope For Today’

W is for WORRY

W is for WORRY

W is for WORRY

Worry is defined as:  “thoughts, images and emotions of a negative nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats. As an emotion it is experienced as anxiety or concern about a real or imagined issue, usually personal issues such as health or finances or broader ones such as environmental pollution and social or technological change” – Wikipedia

Who doesn’t Worry? We all worry, many of us from childhood. Some will worry about trivial things, and others save the worrying for the major stuff.

What does Worrying accomplish? Nothing, because worrying will not change what is meant to be. It only exhausts you mentally, physically and spiritually.

How do we stop the vicious cycles created by Worry? I don’t know. How to make better use of your thoughts and emotions is something only you can answer. Personally this is what helps me keep the Worry Monster at bay:  I work my program, trust in my Higher Power, take life One Day At A Time, and rejoice in the blessings which present themselves throughout the day.

My ex-husband said to me many times: “Stop worrying, it is such a wasted emotion.” I remember thinking at the time that was his way of not caring, or being inconvenienced by whatever crisis I was obsessing over at the time. This was long before I accepted that my life was complete chaos all the time, way before I admitted that the martyr part of me relished conflict and anxiety, light-years before I found Al-Anon and started on the path to recovery. I still worry, but at least now I can try to Let Go and Let God; sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but when it does it work, it is a wonderful feeling of freedom.

As parents, there is so much to plan for and fret about. We invest all of our energy into attempting to be the best parent possible, while fearing all the time that we are failing. We put an extreme amount of unnecessary pressure on ourselves, when we should be focusing that energy on enjoying life with our greatest miracles; our beautiful, intelligent children. If we enter their world more, and spend less time in anxiety-land, we will see the endless possibilities  in everything around us, as we learn and explore with our children. If we love our children unconditionally, provide them a solid foundation, bolster their self-esteem, and support them in all their endeavors, then we will always be the BEST parents to them.

A passage from Hope For Today, which I read often, when I feel myself spiraling out-of-control, and losing sight of the joys in Our life:

“Denial steals from me the ability to see my situation clearly and honestly. Stubborn self-reliance wipes out the guidance and comfort available from my Higher Power. Resentment erodes love and goodwill in my relationships with others. Obsessive worrying raids my willingness to accept and enjoy life as it is.”

Worry “Our Way” is defined as: “An endless cycle filled with negativity and fear, which depletes our entire being, and prevents us from enjoying the daily blessings, of love and laughter, with Our family.”
Creative Commons License
Autism Proud – Journey With Us – by Jest Tu Positive by Dorothy Stronglove is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Seeking New Voice

Beth said something to me yesterday that cut me to the quick, and has left me with an aching heart. Henry was laying on the couch (not doing what I wanted him to) and I snapped something in his direction, he bit back and I had to have the last word, or so I thought. Beth looked right at me and said: “Mommy don’t yell at Daddy! Stop, no yelling!” My heart broke and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I told her I wasn’t yelling at daddy, which I wasn’t, but I also wasn’t talking very nicely to him either. I assured her it was okay, and I made sure to watch my tone the rest of the day, but the damage was already done. This image came to mind continuously throughout the day:

childsinnervoice

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I am giving my children a horrible inner voice. When I really listen to how Beth talks to Anne, or how Anne talks to the cats, it is not nice. I reprimand them and tell them to use nice words, and not to be mean; however I realize they are simply copying me. More often than not, I have always been surrounded by people who lack respect for others, treat them poorly and say nasty things without a second thought. I have had many people in my life that prided themselves on “Telling it Like It Is” and demeaning people to make them do whatever they desired. I also grew up with a fear of adults raising their voice, because that was always the precursor to something horrible happening to someone I loved. I became a master diffuser, and tried to bring harmony to every tense situation I encountered in life. The problem is that no matter how much peace and positivity I bring to others, I am cruel to myself. The voice in my head is extremely hard and unforgiving when it comes to my actions. In Al-Anon, I am working on overcoming this negativity and learning how to be kind to myself, but it is a slow journey.

I swore I would pass on the unconditional love, which several others in my life taught me, to my children. I vowed to give them a good example of how to have a beautiful inner voice. Although I have pro-actively eliminated the majority of the situations that helped me form my ugly inner voice, I have yet to eradicate those emotions from myself, and they come out much too often for my liking. Unfortunately, because they are like second-nature to me, sometimes I don’t even realize the unpleasant tone I am using until someone points it out to me. Sometimes that person is Henry, sometimes it is Marie, but most times it is my girls showing me the true affect of my words and tone. It is in these moments, that I hate myself and am filled with shame; however, those negative thoughts and emotions will help no one, so I must be vigilant to not wallow in them.

I must learn to love and respect myself. I must learn to talk nicely to myself. I must learn to be kind to myself. I must forgive myself when I make a mistake.  Once I can learn to do these things for myself, then I can treat others in a manner which I am proud of. This is where my program and Al-Anon family are essential to a new way of living life. They love me when I cannot love myself, and my sponsor continually reminds me that the groundwork of life is based in “Progress NOT Perfection.” I want to provide a solid foundation of Faith, Love and Respect for my girls. I want them to naturally follow the positive path and see all its beauty. The only way I can provide them the best chance at this dream, is to start living it for myself.

Keeping in mind a much read passage from Hope for Today:

“Practicing the Al-Anon program is akin to putting on an oxygen mask. I’m encouraged to do the things needed for my health, stability, and growth. These include eating well, getting enough rest, examining my behavior and correcting it when necessary, sharing my thoughts and feelings with others, asking for help, praying and meditating, and getting involved with my Al-Anon community. Only then, when I have care of these responsibilities to myself, am I strong enough to help others.”

I think I will print this image out and put it on the fridge, as a visual reminder to Talk Nice for myself, my relationships, and most importantly, my children:

POSTER-TALKTOYOURSELF-TWMED-e1320267710313

Creative Commons License
Autism Proud – Journey With Us – by Jest Tu Positive by Dorothy Stronglove is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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