January 3rd is a BIG day for me, it is the day I committed to my Al-Anon program in 2012, which makes today my One Year Anniversary with Al-Anon. I am filled with pride, thankfulness, excitement, apprehension, love, curiosity, and most days, serenity.
In the first year of working my program, I achieved the first three steps, or at least as much as any of us do. I think the steps are a constant work in progress. We may complete them and move to the next, but we never know when we will need to revisit them again. Personally over the past year, I have done Step One at least three times. Steps Two and Three just kind of came to me, I cannot put a definite date of completion on them. I simply know in my heart, and by my outlook on life, that I have done them. It is amazing how my life has changed for the better as a result of working my program with the wonderful support of my Al-Anon family. Today I read one of the best ways to sum up the first three steps: “I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let Him.” in my Blueprint for Progress. My foundation has been laid through embracing the First, Second and Third Steps. Now it is time to build my house of serenity and love, by embarking on the Fourth Step.
This year my goal is to work on, and hopefully complete, the HUGE Step Four: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” I will be utilizing many program tools in my journey this year, and one that will be by my side the entire way is the Blueprint for Progress.
I have been contemplating Step Four for some time now, and I must admit that it scares me; however, I feel that I am finally ready to begin taking a realistic and thorough look at myself. Through Step Four I hope to discover all my positives and negatives, so that I can work on building on my strengths to overcome my weaknesses. I have many years of hurt, anger, fear, resentment, sadness, disappointment, martyrdom, shame, guilt, etc… to examine and work through. Although it would be easy to simply blame others, I know through the grace of Al-Anon that we all play a part in every situation. By working Step Four, I am asking God to help me see my part in all the events of my life, so I can take responsibility and see what I may need to do differently in order to heal and be a better me in the future. As it states in Blueprint for Progress: “Being aware of what we did yesterday can help us understand and accept who we are today, so tomorrow we can become the people we want to be.”
Today I celebrate my One Year Anniversary with Al-Anon and look to the future with a hopeful heart. I give thanks everyday for the miracle of Al-Anon when I see and talk to my Al-Anon family, when I read Conference Approved Literature, when I read my Daily Thoughts and Meditations, and when I pay it forward by sharing my story with others. Thank you for letting me share my journey with you, I am far from perfect, but most days I make progress toward becoming the woman I know I was meant to be.
Autism Proud – Journey With Us – by Jest Tu Positive by Dorothy Stronglove is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.