It is no secret that Henry and I are obese; we are both at least 100+lbs overweight. Fortunately we are tall and we seem to carry it better. Most people do not believe me when I tell them what I weigh. It is also no secret that we, more often than not, make poor food choices and have absolutely no portion control. Our excuses have always been we LOVE food, and want to enjoy it. We often joke about being fat and happy, because all the skinny “calorie-counters” we know are miserable. You can be as glib and silly as you want, until your love for the wrong foods interferes with your life, then its time for things to change.
Henry was diagnosed with Type II diabetes last year. He is struggling in several areas, and his diagnosis explains a lot. Until recently he was taking the medicine, but had not given any thought to changing his diet. I refuse to be his food warden! If my life experience and Al-Anon have taught me anything, it is that you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. People must choose for themselves how they want to live and what quality of life they want. I do not want people making life choices for me, and I refuse to make them for him; I simply love and respect him too much to attempt to control him. Henry is tired of feeling like crap, and dealing with his other issues, and has decided it is time for a change. He is attempting to change his lifestyle, so he can be healthier and feel better. As his partner, not his boss, I will be by his side to support and assist him in anyway; however, the best way I can help is by making better choices myself.
I am currently 293lbs, the only time I have ever been heavier than this, is when I delivered both my children. The depressing part is that a year ago, I was making real progress and was almost to my pre-Beth weight of 242lbs. Honestly, 242lbs is still too much weight for me to be carrying; my goal is to get under 200lbs by this time next year. My biggest problem is that I am a stress eater. I always crave ALL the wrong foods when I am stressed or depressed. Even though I don’t eat a lot of food in one sitting, I tend to finish all the girls food, because I can’t stand to waste anything; and I use my nervous energy to snack a lot. As if that isn’t bad enough, I am always looking for the quick fix to boost my energy, because I am exhausted most of the time. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I have become that mom who needs to live on ibuprofen and heating/ice packs to truly enjoy her children. I am in constant pain. Whether it is my headaches, the arthritis in my knees, the pain in my back or the latest pulled muscle due to lack of strength and toning, it doesn’t really matter where it hurts anymore, it is the fact that something hurts EVERY day, and I am tired of it! I simply don’t want to be that mom who is too overweight and out-of-shape to play with her kids and enjoy their childhood with them. I also don’t want to be in chronic pain anymore. I want to do better, MUCH better. I want to break the vicious cycle of stress/food/depression; I have decided it is time for a change.
My Al-Anon family and program remind me to keep the focus on me, to take care of myself and to make myself a priority. In the past year, I have been doing well at working my program on the spiritual level; however, I am failing on the physical level. I found my Al-Anon family because I was tired of repeating the same destructive, depressing, and stressful patterns in my life. How I ever thought I could only concentrate on one area is beyond me. Apparently, I just needed time to realize that I need to work on the entire package that is ME. When I dream of the legacy I want to leave my girls it is one of love, acceptance, faith, joy and hope. In order to help them build a solid foundation on their path, I must show them how to live a healthy life, both physically and spiritually.
Henry and I are embarking on a new path. We have to learn a whole new way of loving food. This journey will definitely be one of “Progress Not Perfection.” I expect there will be quite the struggle between the old and the new ways of viewing everything we put into our bodies. We just have to remember that this is not a race, and we need to take our time, so that we make this life change a positive experience for our family. We must keep our eye on the prize, which is being healthy and living a quality life, not only for ourselves, but for our beautiful girls as well. So we begin our journey, Baby Stepping our way to loving food in a healthier manner, to be Healthy Parents to our Extraordinary Children.
Autism Proud – Journey With Us – by Jest Tu Positive by Dorothy Stronglove is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.