We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
I am very proud to share that I achieved Step One on May 11, 2012. Due to my past and present “isms sickness” I cannot limit the first step to just alcohol, for I am truly powerless over everything in this world, except myself. Here is my modified Step One, which I admit and embrace with all my being: “Today I know I am powerless over all the nouns and pronouns in my life — other persons, places and things. By process of elimination, I discovered what I am not powerless over — myself. I am responsible for me.” – Paths To Recovery
Although I had been in Al-Anon for 4 months, I had not begun working the steps. I worked my program, shared with my Al-Anon family and used Conference Approved Literature to slowly prepare myself for the Twelve Steps. The first three steps are the foundation of our program, and they are a commitment that I could not take lightly. Although I have always considered myself a woman of faith, I also was always trying to control many things in life, which I simply had no control over, with my “I can do it all, and have all the answers” attitude. Eventually my illusion of control had to come to an end. Through the grace of the Al-Anon program I was able to receive the all important message, which we call the three C’s: “I didn’t Cause it, I can’t Control it, and I can’t Cure it.” – Hope for Today
On May 10th my Autistic 3yr old daughter was almost hit by a car. Although I normally consider myself very aware and in control of her environment, on this day my Higher Power, who I call God, showed me that I was powerless over people, places and things. No one was hurt, and she did not even realize the danger she was in; however, I spent the rest of the day in turmoil, berating myself for my stupidity and carelessness. I even called my sponsor, who attempted to put it in perspective for me. Sadly, I was not ready to hear the message and just wanted to punish myself. When I was lying in bed unable to sleep, listening to the committees in my head, I began saying The Serenity Prayer and The Lord’s Prayer over and over to drown out the horrible voices in my head. That is when God held me and said: “Let’s talk.”
After a wondrous, soul-searching conversation with God, I had an epiphany, which told me I had just achieved Step One of my program. I am powerless over all people, places and things. When I try to control someone or something, which I am powerless over, my life becomes unmanageable. There are no words to properly describe the amazing feeling of relief that flowed over me with this realization. I was finally free of all my preconceived notions of perfection and control. I do not need to control anyone or anything; I simply need to focus on myself and be accountable for my actions. By achieving Step One, I am free to enjoy my family and friends for who they are, respect them enough to not interfere in their life, and concentrate on myself in an honest light that provides hope for a better, more serene tomorrow, One Day at A Time.
Autism Proud – Journey With Us – by Jest Tu Positive by Dorothy Stronglove is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.